As the microphone gets passed down the head table, do not let giving the maid of honor speech turn you into a nervous wreck. We know that wedding speeches are a very complex and delicate thing: they have to be personal so that it does not sound like you took it off some template online, but not personal enough that the audience feels left out, does not know what you are talking about or even feels uncomfortable. Don’t get in a fluster, though! By thinking ahead and carefully selecting what to say (or more particularly, what not to say), the moment can be a beautiful expression of love that adds your voice to the couple’s special day.
With that in mind, here are seven things you should never, ever say in your maid of honor speech, no matter the circumstances. Because some things are better left unsaid!
1. Illegal activities
Nobody in the audience needs to hear about that time you stole a car together or when your dear friend got busted for underage drinking or how much weed you smoked in college. Albeit it may seem comical to cast your mind back to, stuff you did together that many may consider illegal should never be included in your maid of honor speech unless you plan on sending grandma into a fainting spell.
2. Anecdotes about the exes
Do not share entertaining anecdotes about your dear friend’s exes, do not lambaste them and do not make a gag about how many people the bride or groom have been romantically involved with so far. Not only will talking about the couple’s ex-partners make the couple uncomfortable, but it is sure to make wedding guests cringe, as well. Your maid of honor speech should be about the big day and the couple who just tied the knot, not anyone in their pasts.
3. Bachelorette party shenanigans
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. We have all heard that one before. Your audience does not need to hear about how intoxicated your dear friend got or how she started whimpering about how much she loves her fiancé. Just keep the crazy stories to yourself and try not to take the wraps off the wild side of your friend.
4. How god-awful the wedding planning phase was
It does not matter if your BFF turned into a bridezilla and freaked out about every petty detail or forgot to purchase her wonderful A-line wedding gown until the last minute or blew threw her big day budget. No matter the ordeals and hassles of planning the wedding, your toast is not the time to vent your grievances. Just be pleased that all the effort and time you invested in the planning turned out well.
5. Inside jokes
Hearing the phrase “gangsta bunny” may send you and your best friend into a fit of giggles, but uh, if nobody else gets why you are in stitches, then why bring it up? Your wedding speech is for a wide audience, so try to keep your toast appealing to every person in the room so none of your guests feel awkward, uncomfortable, and left out.
6. Embarrassing tales of the past
If you are the maid of honor, you have probably known the bride for a long time and seen her outgrew most (or all) of her awkward phases. Save those fabulously embarrassing stories about poopy diapers, braces, acnes, gawky hairstyles, and Emo phases for another day.
7. Your anti-marriage beliefs
Pay attention! You may look at marriage as nothing but an obsolete remnant left over from the times when women were literally treated like property, handed over from one man to another. But your friend’s wedding is neither the time nor the place for that argument, so push it far from your mind.
Before you think about including any of these things in your wedding toast: STOP! Put the pen down and think long and hard about boundaries: one little slip up could make the couple regret asking you to speak. Talk about things that would make your friend blush, complement her beautiful princess ball gown wedding dress, her flawless makeup, the décor, the music, you get the idea. When you are clear on this front, you will surely nail your maid of honor speech!